where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
