whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
