i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
