Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
