Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
