no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
