It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
