he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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