Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
