piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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