Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
