I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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