he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
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I was totally pumped and so was my beard
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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