guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
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A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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