Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you traded sex for a burrito?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
