Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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