yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
