Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
