Kiss
Puke
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
