I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
