If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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