I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
