Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
