i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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