she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
