Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
