i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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