All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
false alarm, still single
Randomize
