Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
