I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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