Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
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Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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