The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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