i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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