over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
