Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
