Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
