You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
