Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
