all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
