nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
