glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
