OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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