And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
