I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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