I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
