Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
