just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
