you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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