Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
