I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
