Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
