if i died would you start the facebook group?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
