So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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