he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
