Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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