Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
