Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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