just come out here and I will go home with you...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.