i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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