I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.