On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.