So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks