WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
