3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I want a musical about memes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
